Take Elmyra Please/Transcript[]
Act One[]
(Elmyra's end tag, "Let the show begin!" is used as an intro tag for this episode. After the intro tag is shown, the title card is shown. After that, the window shade for K-Acme TV from the episode of the same name appears and is rolled up, indicating that the rest of the intro consists of redubbed stock footage from K-Acme TV. Buster and Babs are once again operating the TV stations, and once again, images of Elmyra are shown on all the screens. Buster once again turns around to welcome the viewers)
Buster: "Greetings, Toon-heads! Welcome to Tiny Toons mission control,"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view)
"Where today, we're about to launch the all-new Elmyra show!"
Babs: "Kids, this might be a good time to get a cheese sandwich."
Buster: "Babs!"
(Babs laughs nervously, and the camera cuts to an opposing view)
Buster: "Well, it looks like Babs, and I are gonna remain on the planet Earth, while you take a 30-minute plunge into the wonderfully brainless world of Elmyra, where we'll find out anything can happen."
(Buster and Babs once again duck and pull out pies)
Buster (while hitting Babs in the face with his pie): "Cept' this!"
Babs (while hitting Buster in the face with her pie): "And this!"
(Buster and Babs once again, wipe the pies off and return to their seats)
Babs (while Buster once again leans back and falls over in his chair): "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, blast off!"
(The screen fades to black)
Take Elmyra Please Part 1[]
(The episode begins with an overhead view of Elmyra's neighborhood. Next to the house across the street from Elmyra's is a sign that says, HIDDEN TERRACE, with the letters O and R written above it in black marker, making the sign say, HIDDEN TERROR. The camera moves to a view of Elmyra's house, then cuts to a close-up of it. The camera zooms in on the attic window, then cuts to a close-up of it. Inside, Elmyra's father, MacArthur Duff, can be heard talking)
Mac: "It's up to you, little fella. Don't let me down!"
(The camera cuts to a view inside the attic, where a machine with a ramp can be seen. A door opens above the ramp, and an egg rolls down. The camera cuts to different views of the egg as it rolls, until it reaches the inside of the machine. Two plungers catch the egg, and a hammer breaks open the shell. Two spoons catch the yolk and separate it from the whites. The spoon with the yolk then sends the yolk down the chute, and the camera focuses on the yolk as it falls down the chute and into the tender of a toy steam engine. The steam engine whistles and moves along the tracks. The camera cuts to it at focuses on it as it rolls along the tracks, until it reaches a station with a sign that says, DODGE CITY on it. When the steam engine stops, the camera cuts to a view of its tender as a curved straw appears above it and sucks up the yolk. The camera focuses on the yolk as it travels up the straw and into a barrel with a spout on it. A drop of the yolk goes down the spout into a test tube, held my Mac. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Mac catches the drop of the yolk in the test tube, then to a close-up of him)
Mac: "This should do it, I suppose."
(The camera zooms in on the test tube as Mac picks up a beaker with a blue chemical inside it. The camera then cuts to a close-up of the beaker with the blue chemical inside it as Mac pours the drop of the yolk into it. The chemical turns green and Mac's face appears onscreen so he can take a closer look. He shakes the beaker, then the camera cuts to an overhead view of Elmyra's house as the chemical explodes. The camera then cuts to a view of the living room window, zooming in on it as pieces of the house fall from the sky. The camera then cuts to a view inside the living room and moves over to Emily Duff, Elmyra's mother, who is watching over Baby Duff, Elmyra's infant brother, who is sleeping in his crib, to make sure he doesn't wake up. The camera zooms in on her as she writes a line down on a chart that says, EMOTIONAL GROWTH OF SLEEPING INFANT. The explosion above shakes the house and causes Emily to mess up the line. The camera then cuts to a close-up of her)
Emily: "He'll wake the baby!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Baby Duff and zooms in on him as he awakens. The camera then cuts to an opposing view outside the crib, where Baby sees his teddy bear near the couch. The camera zooms in on the teddy bear then cuts back to Baby)
Baby: "Mine!"
(Baby crawls over to the bars of the crib, then the camera cuts to a view of the bars as he bends them with his super strength. The camera zooms out as Baby crawls out of the crib and onto the living room floor. The camera cuts to Emily, who looks down and gasps in shock when she sees that Baby is now out of his crib. The camera cuts to a view of Baby crawling, who gets closer to it as he crawls, then cuts to an opposing view, where he gets further away from it and closer to his teddy bear. He then uses his super strength to knock over the coffee table in front of the teddy bear. The camera cuts to the end of the stairs, where Emily runs to call the rest of the family for help)
Emily: "I need some support!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, where in the living room, Baby is still crawling. Emily tries to grab him, but misses and falls over as he crawls away and knocks over a nightstand with a lamp on it. The camera cuts to a close-up of Emily as she catches the lamp. The camera then cuts to a view of Amanda's room, where Amanda, Elmyra's older sister, is talking her unseen friend, Stephanie, on the phone)
Amanda: "I'm telling you, Mickey Butler called me 'cute'."
(An explosion occurs above Amanda's bedroom. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Amanda)
Emily: "Amanda! The baby's loose!"
Amanda: "Unbelievable!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of Amanda's bedroom as Amanda gets off her bed)
Amanda: "Steph, you're so lucky you have a normal family; parents gone all the time,"
(Amanda walks out of her bedroom, still carrying her phone and talking to Stephanie. The camera cuts to a view of the upstairs hallway, where Amanda walks down it, still carrying the phone)
Amanda: "No brothers and sisters,"
(Amanda bangs on Duncan's bedroom door, which has signs on it that say, STAY OUT, CAPTAIN QUARK'S, and HIGH VOLTAGE written on them, as well as a telescope and various locks.)
Amanda: "No pets."
(After Amanda walks all the way down the hall, the camera cuts to a close-up of Duncan, Elmyra's younger brother, who looks like he is flying. The camera then zooms out to reveal that he is lying on a footstool, with his window open and the fan blowing against him)
Emily: "Duncan!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view as Duncan falls off the footstool and onto the floor. It then cuts to a further zoomed-in view as Duncan picks himself up)
Duncan: "Mortal Mom? Giver of Life? In peril?"
(The camera cuts to an opposing, zoomed-out view of Duncan's bedroom as he bounces on his bed and through his closet door. The camera then cuts to the other side of the closet, which is revealed to be in Elmyra's bedroom. Duncan jumps out of the closet, with one of Elmyra's dresses on his head and Elmyra's training bra on his chest)
Duncan: "Mom beckons!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Elmyra's bedroom, as Elmyra is sitting and holding Furrball, who is dressed in a tuxedo. They are surrounded by various stuffed animals)
Elmyra: "Welcome to The Elmyra Fun Show!"
(The camera then cuts to a close-up of Elmyra)
Elmyra: "I'm Elmyra and this is Fuzz!"
(The camera cuts to an overhead view of Elmyra as she spins Furrball around the room by his tail. Furrball screams in peril as she does. The camera cuts back to Duncan)
Emily: "Elmyra!"
(Duncan removes Elmyra's dress and training bra and the camera focuses on him as he runs out of Elmyra's bedroom. The camera cuts to the end of the stairs, where Amanda, still carrying her phone and talking to Stephanie, is. She is staring to run out of distance for the phone's cord)
Amanda: "Gotta do the family thing now."
(Queegee, the maid appears. Amanda hands the phone to her)
Amanda: "Tell Steph I'll call her back."
Queegee (As Amanda walks away) "Okay, Bye-bye!"
(The phone pulls Queegee up the stairs. The camera cuts to a view of the stair rail as Duncan slides down on it and Amanda's phone pulls Queegee up the stairs. The camera then cuts to a view of the hallway as the phone pulls Queegee into Amanda's bedroom, then the camera cuts to a view of Amanda's bedroom as the phone pulls Queegee through a window, which she breaks through. The camera cuts to a view of the broken window, then to a view of the living room window below it as Queegee hangs onto the phone)
Queegee: "Thank you."
(The camera cuts to a view inside the living room, then moves over to baby as he continues crawling and cooing as well. The camera then cuts to a view of the rug as Baby crawls under it. Both Amanda and Emily try to catch him from opposing directions, but end up bumping into each other. The camera cuts to a view of the end of the stairs as Elmyra walks down it, spinning Furrball by his tail the entire time. Furrball continues to scream as he is spun. The camera then cuts to a view of the rug as Elmyra is on one side and Amanda and Emily are on the other. Elmyra walks across the rug, which Baby is still under as he bumps into her, pushing her into the air. The camera then cuts to a view of the chandelier as Furrball grabs it and swings on it. The camera then cuts to an overhead view as Furrball continues to swing on the chandelier and Elmyra clings onto his tail. The camera then cuts to a view of Furrball's tail as Elmyra loses her grip. It then cuts to a view of the rug as Elmyra falls and lands on it. Duncan runs past her and to the other side, ready to catch Baby when he crawls out. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Baby as he pulls up the rug and crawls out of it, then it cuts to a close-up of a shocked Duncan and zooms in on him. The camera then cuts to Emily, who is on the other side of the rug)
Emily: "Duncan! Here!"
(Emily pulls out a pacifier from her pocket and tosses it. The camera cuts to a view of the pacifier and focuses on it as it flies across the living room, landing in Duncan's hand as he catches it. The camera then cuts to a view of Duncan as he places the pacifier into Baby's mouth. The camera cuts to a close-up of Baby as he sucks on the pacifier and begins to fall asleep. The camera then cuts to a view of Emily, Amanda, Elmyra, and Duncan, who all sigh in relief."
Mac: "Family!"
(Emily, Amanda, and Elmyra all look at Mac. The camera cuts to a view of him as he walks to the living room, as he is now scorched from the explosion, then to a close-up of him)
Mac: "We stand on the threshold of a new..."
(The camera cuts to an opposing view of Emily, Amanda, Elmyra, and Duncan as they all shush Mac before he can continue, so he doesn't wake Baby up again. The camera cuts back to Mac, who looks around. He looks down, and the camera cuts to a view of Baby, who is sound asleep. The camera then cuts back to Mac, who clamps his hand over his mouth)
Mac: "Tomorrow. Sorry."
(The camera cuts to a view of the open living room window as Queegee, still holding the phone, goes through it and onto the couch. She lets go of the phone, and walks towards the Duff Family. The camera cuts to a view of the Duff Family as Amanda, Elmyra, and Duncan all walk away and Emily picks up Baby and hands him to Queegee)
Emily (whispering): "Queegee, would you please take the baby?"
Queegee: "Okay, bye-bye."
(Queegee walks away to take Baby upstairs to his bedroom. Emily is about to walk away, but she turns around and sees a scorched Mac)
Emily: "Are you all right? You're smoking."
(Emily walks away, and the camera zooms in on Mac)
Mac: "Smoking? I gave up Smoking years ago. Nasty habit."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Mac)
Mac: "Oh, you mean my clothes."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of Mac)
Mac: "Yes. Well. Family! I've just invented a wonderful, clean-burning fuel!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Amanda, who is sitting in a chair)
Amanda (unenthusiastically): "Somebody pinch me."
(The camera cuts back to Mac as he dusts off his shoulder)
Mac: "It's made from... cholesterol!"
(The camera cuts to Emily as she puts the lamp that got knocked over earlier back onto the nightstand)
Emily: "That's astounding!"
(The camera cuts to Mac as Emily walks around him)
Emily: "You'll make tonight's news!"
Mac: "It's just a prototype, dear."
(The camera cuts to a view of the downstairs hallway as Emily walks over to the phone and dials it. Elmyra runs up to her)
Elmyra: "Is Dad gonna be on TV?"
(Amanda walks up to Elmyra, and the camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra as Amanda pats her on the head, then pokes her on the nose)
Amanda: "No, they're coming by to give you your own show, elbow-head!"
(Elmyra, unable to tell that Amanda was being sarcastic, immediately becomes starstruck. The camera cuts to an even closer close-up of her)
Elmyra: "Oooh! The Elmyra Fun Show! Starring me!"
(Elmyra's pupils become stars. Elmyra then imagines her on a TV studio, dressed in a green and pink dress as she steps on several animals and spins several others. A sign that says, THE ELMYRA FUN SHOW is behind her. Elmyra's fantasy ends, and she is now next to the phone in the hallway)
Elmyra: "We gotta go rehearse!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Elmyra looks over her shoulder and runs off)
Elmyra: "Furrball?"
(The camera cuts to the chandelier, revealing that Furrball is still swinging on it as Elmyra walks up to him)
Elmyra: "Look at you!"
(Furrball swings off the chandelier. The camera cuts to a view of the curtains as Furrball grabs onto them. He is unable to keep his grip on them, and slides down them, tearing them in the process. The camera cuts to a view of Elmyra, who tries to catch him, and zooms in on her. It cuts to an opposing view of her as she catches him)
Elmyra: "You silly head! If you like heights so much, maybe you can do a high wire act!"
(Elmyra walks away, carrying Furrball. The camera cuts to a view of the end of the stairs as she carries him up them, then cuts to a view of the side of the stairs as she continues to carry him up them, bumping his head in each support along the way. Static appears onscreen, which then cuts to the next scene, which takes place at the Fairly Active News network studio, where Teeny Tonny is reporting. She holds the news she's supposed to read up to the screen)
Teeny Tonny: "This just in!"
Director (whispering) "Read it!"
(Teeny Tonny looks over at the director, then at the piece of paper. An image of Mac appears in the box in the top right-corner, then zooms in to fill the screen.)
Teeny Tonny: "Oh. Local chemical engineer MacArthur Duff claims to have invented a clean-burning inexpensive fuel."
(The image of Mac zooms out back to the bottom-right corner)
Teeny Tonny: "We'll have a live interview on Fairly Active News at 6:00."
(The camera cuts to a view of a TV in the Happy Sunny Oil Company. It zooms out, then cuts to an opposing view as Arthur Jabba turns off the TV with the remote, which he then crushes. Next to him are his two minions, George and Leonard. He walks out of his chair and the camera cuts to a view of his window as he looks outside at his factory. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-in view)
Arthur: "A clean-burning fuel could put Happy Sunny Oil out of business!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Arthur, then to a view of George and Leonard as they stand next to him)
Leonard: "You want George and I to make this stuff not exist no more?"
(The camera cuts back to Arthur)
Arthur: "No, Leonard. For two reasons; first, I hate ideas frazed in a double negative, and second, I have a better plan. And you clowns better not foul it up, or I'll have your butts!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of George and Leonard)
Leonard: "Then he'll have three!"
(Leonard flinches when George is about to swat him. The screen wipes to the next scene, where the Duff house is shown as Duncan is on the front porch. The camera cuts to a close-up of him)
Duncan: "Ninja boy guards the headquarters, against Spies, Savages, and the evil one's legion of Zombie Loafers!
(The camera cuts to a view of Amanda, who is looking out her bedroom window)
Amanda: "Get a life!"
(The camera moves down to a close-up of Duncan. It then cuts to a view of Elmyra's bedroom, where Elmyra is dressed in a red dress and dancing with Furrball)
Elmyra: "Okay, Furrball. I'm Paula Abdul and you're Michael Jackson! Get down with your bad self!"
(Elmyra tosses Furrball. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Furrball bounces around Elmyra's room, meowing. He eventually bounces off the canopy of Elmyra's bed and lands in an umbrella can. The camera cuts to him in the umbrella can with an umbrella in his mouth)
Elmyra: "Costume change!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Elmyra)
Elmyra: "Now I'm Madonna!"
(Elmyra removes her red dress, revealing she is wearing a seashell bra and black underwear underneath. The lights dim out, then a spotlight appears above her. The camera focuses on her as she walks to the umbrella can)
Elmyra (singing): "And I'm keeping my kitty!"
(Elmyra pulls out the umbrella that Furrball has in his mouth and opens it, shaping Furrball's head into the shape of the umbrella. She then spins the umbrella and Furrball and tosses them. The camera cuts to a close-up of Furrball as he slams into the wall and spits the umbrella out, then to a zoomed-out view as Elmyra walks up to him. Furrball looks horrified)
Elmyra (giggles): "Let's do it again!"
(Elmyra jumps out to catch Furrball, but he runs away before she can catch him. Elmyra then stands up and Runs after Furrball)
Elmyra: "Where are you going? We're not done!"
(The screen wipes to the next scene, outside the Duff House. It is a view through a pair of binoculars as George and Leonard's van drives up to the house and stops outside it. The camera cuts to a close-up of Duncan, who looks through the binoculars from his tree house)
Duncan: "Hmm. Curious."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, which zooms out even further to the van. The camera then cuts to a view inside the van, which George is driving as Leonard pulls out a book of matches from his pocket. The camera cuts to a close-up of the matchbook, which is revealed to have the words, NON ACME VERY REAL MATCHES (DANGER!) written on it)
Leonard (as he opens the matchbox) "Oh boy, I love fire. I love fire!"
(The camera cuts back to George and Leonard as Leonard picks a match and tries to light it. George looks at him in shock and slaps his head with his hand. He then snatches the match from Leonard before he can light it)
George: "This is kidnapping, not arson!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of George, then cuts back to him and Leonard)
George: "You see, the big difference between arson and kidnapping, is no fire!"
(George pulls out a bag to put one of the Duff Family members in and hold him or her for ransom. Leonard looks inside the bag)
Leonard: "Oh."
(Leonard pulls his head out of the bag, and takes it from George. The two get out of the van, and the camera cuts to Duncan, who looks in shock. The camera then cuts to an overhead view outside the house as Furrball runs away from Elmyra, who is now dressed in her normal attire. The camera then cuts to a normal view of them as Elmyra continues to chase Furrball in a circle.)
Elmyra: "Wait a minute, we still have to rehearse the Fly Girls number!"
(The camera cuts to a view of the back of the van as George opens the doors and Leonard holds the bag. The camera then cuts to an opposing view as Elmyra continues to chase Furrball)
Leonard: "Can I light the bag on fire?"
(The camera cuts back to George and Leonard)
George: "No!"
(George and Leonard look in shock as Furrball and Elmyra jump between them and into the van. They turn around, and the camera cuts to an opposing view of them)
Leonard: "Hey! Who the heck do you think you are?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Elmyra in the van, holding Furrball)
Elmyra: "I'm Elmyra Duff, and I'm gonna be on my own television show!" (She stands up drops Furrball) "Are you from the studio?"
(The camera cuts back to George and Leonard)
George: "Studio? Oh, yeah! Yeah, I'm the producer, Babe." (Laughs) "And this is the um, uh, talent coordinator!"
Leonard: "I am?"
(George closes the doors. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Duncan's binoculars and zooms out on them as Duncan has witnessed the whole incident. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view of Duncan, which zooms out even further, then to an even further zoomed-out view, which zooms out even further as George and Leonard drive away, with Elmyra in the back of their van. The camera cuts to a view inside the tree house as Duncan opens the door and jumps down. The camera then cuts to a view of a basket, which Duncan lands in, and focuses on it as it slides down the rope to a birdbath, where several frightened birds fly away. The camera then cuts to a side view of the porch as Duncan runs up to the window)
Duncan: "Mom! Elmyra's been kidnapped!"
(The camera cuts to a view inside the living room from the window, where Emily is inside, arranging a flower pot with three flowers sticking out of it. Emily thinks that Duncan is playing one of his games and doesn't believe him.)
Duncan: "Elmyra's been kidnapped!"
Emily: "That's nice, dear."
(Emily walks away, and the camera cuts to an opposing view of Duncan)
Emily: "Don't get dirty, we've got company later."
(Duncan looks at the camera with a confused look on his face. The screen fades to black, ending Act One)
Act Two/Take Elmyra Please Part 2[]
(Act two begins with a view of the Duff House as Duncan is still standing outside the window. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-in view of him as he turns around and runs down the stairs, then to a view of his tree house. It then cuts to him as he picks up a baseball and throws it. The camera then cuts to a hanging silver plate, which the baseball hits. The hanging silver plate activates a pulley, which lowers Duncan's bicycle, with a helmet hanging from the rear end. Duncan runs to the bicycle and sits down on it, then puts on his helmet)
Duncan: "This is a job for Ninja Boy! Heigh-ho, particle beams!"
(Duncan drives away on his bicycle. The camera cuts to an overhead view of the driveway as he continues to drive his bicycle)
Duncan: "Away!"
(The camera cuts to an overhead view of George and Leonard's van as it drives along the road. It then cuts to various views of it as Duncan chases after it, with one close up of Duncan in between. In the middle of the chase, the camera cuts to a close-up of Duncan)
Duncan: "Particle beam, into hyper drive!"
(The camera cuts to a view of the lever in the middle of the bicycle, which Duncan pulls. The camera then cuts to a view of the bike's tailpipes, which burst flames, then to a view of Duncan as he chases after George and Leonard's van to the Happy Sunny Oil factory. The camera cuts to a view of the front gates, which open to let George and Leonard's van in, but close before Duncan can make it inside. The camera then cuts to a view of Duncan as he parks his bicycle outside the gate.)
Duncan: "The old impenetrable fortress, eh?"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Duncan as he removes his helmet and picks up two plungers rested at the head of the bicycle. It then cuts to a close-up of the front gates, then to an overhead view of Duncan and zooms out on him as he runs up to them)
Duncan: "Once again the evil one has underestimated the Ninja Boy!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of one of the plungers as Duncan begins climbing the gates with them. It then cuts to a zoomed-out view of Duncan, then to an overhead view of him. It then cuts to a view outside the warehouse as the van is parked next to the door, which closes, then to an overhead view inside the warehouse, where Elmyra, Furrball, George, and Leonard are)
Elmyra: "Oooh! A TV studio!"
(The camera cuts to a normal view of Elmyra, Furrball, George, and Leonard as Elmyra walks away)
Leonard: "Where?"
(George slaps Leonard. The camera then cuts to a view of Elmyra as she looks around the warehouse)
Elmyra: "So, where are the cameras?"
(Elmyra climbs up some boxes. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view as George picks her up and sets her down. While he is talking, Furrball tries to run away, but Elmyra is holding him by his tail)
George: "Uh, well, we use, uh... hidden cameras! Yeah, because the, uh, the cameramen are shy."
(Leonard agrees with George. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Elmyra)
Elmyra (giggles): "Those cute little cameramen."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as George whispers to Leonard)
George (whispering): "You watch the kid." (Normal voice) "I'm gonna go make a call. To the caterers." (Laughs)
(The camera focuses on George as he walks, until he is offscreen. Elmyra picks up Furrball)
Elmyra (giggles): "Furrball wants tuna, and I want anything that's not meatloaf."
(The camera cuts to a view of the top of the front gate as Duncan finishes climbing. It then cuts to an opposing view of his feet when he stands atop the gate, then back to the previous view)
Duncan: "One small climb for Ninja Boy, one new use for toilet plungers."
(Suddenly, a Dog can be heard growling below him. The camera cuts to an overhead view of the Dog, then to a zoomed-in view. It then cuts back to Duncan)
Duncan: "Hello, Lassie. What is it girl? What's wrong?"
(The camera zooms out as the Dog tries to attack Duncan. It then cuts to a close-up of Duncan's head as Duncan thinks. He suddenly has an idea. The camera moves downwards as he reaches into his fanny pack and pulls out a bone. It then cuts to the previous view of the Dog as Duncan tosses the bone, prompting the Dog to fetch it. Duncan then jumps down from the gate, and the camera cuts to a view of him at the bottom)
Duncan: "Gotcha!"
(The camera cuts over to George, who is inside the warehouse, using the telephone to make a call)
George: "All right, Dr. Duff."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of him)
George: "Say good-bye to your formula!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of a green telephone in Elmyra's house. Queegee picks up the phone, and the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of her on the right side of the screen)
Queegee: "Hello."
(George appears on the left side of the screen)
George: "Elmyra has been kidnapped, and you won't see her again until we get the formula!"
Queegee: "Okay. Bye-bye."
(Queegee hangs up the phone, and George hangs up his as the screen moves to show the warehouse background, with George now on the right side. The phone rings, and George picks it up)
George: "Kidnap Headquarters. How may I help you?"
(Arthur suddenly appears on the left side of the screen. He is calling from his office)
Arthur: "Idiot! Never answer the phone like that! Kidnappers don't have receptionists! Now, have you got the formula?"
George: "Uh, we, we, we grabbed Duff's kid, and..."
Arthur: "Send a ransom note, you buffoon!"
(Arthur hangs up the phone, and moves his head from the left side of the screen to the right, right over the bar)
Arthur: "Hurry up!"
(Arthur walks away, taking the background of his office with him. George now has a confused look on his face. The camera cuts to Elmyra, who is sitting at a desk, with Furrball, tied up in a rope, sitting on the nearby couch)
Elmyra: "Welcome to The Elmyra Fun Show!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view)
Elmyra: "Okay, first is my cutesy-wutesy sidekick, Furrball!"
(The camera zooms in on Furrball, who meows with disdain. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view)
Elmyra: "Okay, so my first guest comes all the way from across the room."
(The camera moves over to the curtains, then focuses on Leonard as he walks across the room)
Elmyra: "Ladies and Gentleman, say hello to Lenny!"
(Leonard shakes Elmyra's hand, then sits down on the couch. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of him and Elmyra)
Elmyra (talking fast): "What have you been up to? Do you have an amusing story? Are you suing any tabloids? Did you bring a clip?"
(Elmyra grabs Leonard's shirt)
Leonard: "Duh, no?"
(Elmyra lets go of Leonard, causing him to fall over and knock the couch over)
Elmyra: "Okay! Let's do a makeover!"
(Elmyra jumps off the desk, then runs over to the fallen couch. The camera cuts to a view of the fallen couch as Leonard stands up and Elmyra walks up to him)
Elmyra: "Lenny is an autumn, so we use Frosty Bronze for his lips."
(Elmyra reaches offscreen and pulls out some lipstick, which she forcibly smothers all over Leonard's lips, laughing while doing so. The camera cuts to a view near the gate outside the warehouse, where Duncan is being chased by the dog. It then cuts to a view of the wall as Duncan runs to it, then to a close-up of Duncan, who turns around, revealing he has the bone tied to his cape)
Duncan: "Aha!"
(The camera cuts to various views of the Dog, then back to Duncan as the Dog runs into the bone and bumps his head on the wall)
Duncan: "The old 'Bone in the cape' bit!"
(The camera cuts to a view of the warehouse's roof as Duncan throws a rope with the dog's collar tied to it onto the chimney. The camera then cuts back to Duncan and the knocked-out dog)
Duncan: "Ninja Boy has found the impenetrable fortress!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of the back of Elmyra's head inside the warehouse as Elmyra continues giving Leonard a makeover)
Elmyra: "There you go. That about does it!"
(Elmyra backs away, revealing Leonard to have red hair, red lips, and earrings. The camera cuts to a close-up of him, who is looking none too pleased, then to a zoomed-out view as George walks into the area, holding a ransom note)
George: "Lenny, you look good!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra)
Elmyra: "Yay! A special guest to The Elmyra Fun Show!"
(The camera cuts back to the zoomed-out view)
Elmyra: "It's my producer, little Georgie!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra as she snatches the ransom note from George)
Elmyra: "Is this my contract?"
(The camera cuts to a view of the ransom note and zooms in on it. The note reads, Give up the formula or Elmyra's history. The camera then cuts to a view of Elmyra, George, and Leonard, as Elmyra is about to sign the note)
Elmyra: "I'd better sign this!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Elmyra at her desk as George snatches the note from her before she can finish signing. The camera then cuts to a view of Elmyra, George, and Leonard as George is about to sit on the couch, then to a close-up of Furrball, who meows in fear, as George is about to sit on him. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as George sits on the couch, as well as Furrball)
Leonard (snickers): "Nice touch."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of George and Leonard)
Leonard: "If they trace the handwriting, they'll arrest her!"
(Leonard points to Elmyra and snickers. Elmyra then walks up to George)
Elmyra (whispering): "You're sitting on my Ed McMayhon."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as George gets off the couch and turns around. The camera then cuts to a view of the flattened Furrball, who meows wearily, then it cuts back to the zoomed-out view as Elmyra walks up to Furrball)
Elmyra: "Oooh! My sidekick is right!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra as she picks up Furrball)
Elmyra: "It's time for the cooking segment!"
(The camera zooms in on Furrball, then cuts to a view outside the Duff house. George runs over to the house, then the camera cuts to a side view of the front porch, then to a close-up of the bottom of the front door as he slips the ransom note underneath. The camera cuts back to the side view of the front porch as George runs away, then to a view inside the living room, where Baby is in a walker. The camera zooms in on him)
Baby: "Mine!"
(The camera cuts to an opposing view as Baby walks up to the front door. It then cuts to a close-up of the bottom of the front door as Baby picks up the note, eats it, and burps. The screen then transitions to the inside of the warehouse, where Elmyra is at a stove with Leonard. On the stove is a can of gasoline)
Elmyra: "My Eggs Elmyra are real easy to prepare!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view)
Elmyra: "You just cook them! And for the festive touch..."
(Elmyra picks up the can of gas and pours it into the frying pan. Leonard looks lover in ecstasy.)
Elmyra: "You can flambé them!"
(Elmyra tosses the gas can aside)
Elmyra (whispering in Leonard's ear): "You light it; I'm not allowed to play with matches."
Leonard (while sighing with ecstasy): "Fire, fire!"
(Leonard's eyes now have yellow and purple stripes in them. The camera cuts to a close-up of him as he pulls out a book of matches, then it cuts to the matchbook itself. On the matchbox is and advertisement that says, BECOME AN ANIMTATOR 3 EASY LESSONS, with a picture of a boy's head with a pencil on his ear in between the text, with a speech balloon that says, AAK!. Leonard takes out a match, and the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of him as he lights the match and drops it into the pan, causing the gas-covered eggs to explode. The camera cuts to a view of the roof as the explosion nearly causes Duncan to fall off. Fortunately, he falls onto the roof. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view as Elmyra can be heard screaming, then to an opposing view as Duncan runs over to the window. The camera then cuts to a view of the window as Duncan looks through it, then to an overhead view to reveal that Elmyra is all right. The camera cuts to a close-up of her, revealing that she is screaming, but not in pain or for help. The camera zooms in and out on her as she screams, then cuts to a close-up of her)
Elmyra: "And that is a scream test!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of Elmyra, who is holding Furrball, who is still tied up)
Elmyra: "A scream test is how all Hollywood hopefuls get their start. Huh, Furrball?"
(Elmyra hugs Furrball, and the camera cuts to a close-up of him as she hugs him back and forth across the screen. He meows in disdain, then the camera cuts to an overhead view of the front gate, with the dog, who has recovered, growling on the lawn. Duncan looks down and sees the dog again, then the camera cuts to a close-up of him as he pulls a rope with an anchor out of his fanny pack, spins it, and tosses it. The camera cuts to a tree outside the fence as the anchor latches onto it)
Duncan: "Ninja Boy needs reinforcements!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Duncan sliding down the rope as the dog tries to attack him, but misses, then it cuts to a view of his bicycle as he jumps onto it and drives back home to warn the rest of the family. The camera cuts to an opposing view of the factory as Duncan drives his bicycle down the road and the screen irises out on him, ending Act Two)
Act Three/Take Elmyra Please Part 3[]
(Act Three begins with Duncan driving his bicycle down the road from the factory to the neighborhood. The camera focuses on him as he drives his bicycle, then cuts to a view inside the warehouse, where George and Leonard are standing next to the phone. The phone rings)
George: "That's probably Duff now."
(George is about to answer the phone, but Elmyra runs to the phone and answers it, with Furrball clutched in her arm)
Elmyra: "A caller! Line one."
The camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra as she talks on the phone and George looks over her angrily)
Elmyra: "Hello? Elmyra speaking."
(Arthur Jabba yells unintelligibly through the phone)
Elmyra: "That's a pretty good scream you got there! And if you wanna do a scream test, you should come down here to the studio right away and..."
(Before she can continue, Arthur continues yelling unintelligibly through the phone)
Elmyra: "What's that?"
(Arthur continues yelling unintelligibly through the phone)
Elmyra: "Sure, I'll tell him."
(Elmyra hangs up the phone)
Elmyra: "He said to tell you, 'No more Snafus or you're sunk!'. But don't go swimming right after you eat."
(The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view of Elmyra, George, and Leonard)
George: "What am I gonna do? We've got to get the formula!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra)
Elmyra: "Speaking of formula, the Itty-bitty Baby Care segment is next."
(The camera cuts back to the zoomed-out view of Elmyra, George, and Leonard)
Elmyra: "Which one of you is gonna wear the diaper?"
(Leonard yells in shock)
Leonard: "No way! George will wear the diaper, not me! No way, uh-uh uh-uh!"
(Leonard runs offscreen. The camera cuts to a view of him and focuses on him, zooming in on him as he runs away)
Leonard: "I flunked potty training!"
(The screen fades to a view of the Duff house and the camera zooms in on it Teeny Tonny rings the doorbell)
Emily (heard offscreen): "Queegee, could you get the door, please?"
(The camera cuts to a view inside the Duff house as Queegee walks to the door)
Queegee: "Okay, thank you."
(Queegee pulls the door off the hinges and brings it to Emily)
Emily (heard offscreen): "Oh, my goodness, no, Queegee, That's not what I meant!"
Teeny Tonny (as she peers into the Duff House): "Hello? Teeny Tonny, Fairly Active News team."
(Emily runs to the front doorway)
Emily: "Oh, I'm sorry. You look just like yourself! I'm Emily Duff. Please come in."
(Teeny Tonny walks inside. Just as the cameraman is walks in, Queegee brings the door to the doorway. The cameraman walks over the door, which flattens Queegee)
Queegee (flattened): "Okay, thank you."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of the phone at the warehouse, which rings. The camera zooms out as Leonard picks up the phone and talks through the wrong end)
Leonard: "Hello? Hostage Headquarters. Lenny speaking. Hello? Hello? Must be a wrong number."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as George walks up to Leonard and snatches the phone from him. It then cuts to a close-up of him as he is about to talk through the right end of the phone, but Arthur Jabba yells unintelligibly)
George: "Well, thank you, Mr. Jabba." (Chuckles) "I'll take that as a compliment. And, and you have our word that we won't fail again. And when I give my word..."
(Before he can continue, Arthur hangs up. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of George and Leonard)
Leonard: "Wrong number? Gee, I hope it wasn't collect."
(The screen fades to the living room of the Duff Family house, with a clapper board in front of the camera. The cameraman claps the clapper board, then moves it out of the way to reveal Emily, Mac, Amanda, and Baby. The camera moves over to the cameraman and Teeny Tonny, then cuts to an opposing view)
Teeny Tonny: "Well, it looks everyone's ready,"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Teeny Tonny)
Teeny Tonny: "So very quiet, and here we go!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Emily, Mac, Amanda, and Baby. Mac is holding a beaker with the chemical)
Mac: "I would like to begin by saying that..."
Duncan (heard offscreen): "Mom! Dad!"
(Emily, Mac, and Amanda turn around. The camera cuts to a view of the front door as Duncan rushes to the living room)
Duncan: "Elmyra's been..."
(The camera cuts to an opposing view)
Amanda: "Shush!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Duncan and Emily)
Duncan: "Mom, Elmyra's been..."
Emily: "Oh, my gosh! Not another word until you march right up to that bathroom and wash those filthy hands!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Duncan, who looks at his hands)
Duncan: "Listen to me! Elmyra's been..."
(Duncan's voice is suddenly drowned out by loud music. Duncan turns around, and Emily, Mac, Amanda, Teeny Tonny, and the Camerman all rush outside to see what is causing the loud music. Duncan has a rather irritated look on his face, then the camera cuts to a view of the front doorway, with Emily, Mac, Amanda, Teeny Tonny, and the Cameraman all looking outside it. It then cuts to an opposing view, then to a zoomed-in view as a parade marches along the road, with a banner that says ELMYRA'S BEEN KIDNAPPED. Lenny is at the end of the parade, and he does not look too happy about it. The camera moves upward to reveal a skywriting plane, writing the message, SURRENDER THE FORMULA, then it cuts to the Duff Family and the news crew in the doorway)
Emily: "Elmyra's been kidnapped!"
(The camera cuts to a view inside the house as Emily begins pacing the floor)
Emily: "What are we gonna do?"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Duncan as Emily continues pacing the floor)
Emily: "We have to find Elmyra, and we don't know where she is!"
Duncan: "I know where she is!"
Emily: "She's in danger, and we don't know how to find her!"
Duncan: "I know how to find her!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Emily grabs Mac)
Emily: "They've taken her somewhere we don't know..."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Emily as she lets go of Mac, who falls over)
Emily: "Wait. Maybe Duncan knows."
(The camera moves over to Duncan, who gives a snarky look. The screen then transitions to Duncan driving his bicycle down the road from Elmyra's house to the factory. The camera focuses on him as he drives to the factory, with the police following him. It then cuts to an overhead view of the road as Duncan and the police drive down it, then to a view of the front gate as they stop near it. The camera zooms out, then cuts to a view of the police cars as Emily, Amanda, Teeny Tonny, and a policeman all run out. It then cuts to a view of the front gate, where they stop next to Duncan. It then cuts to a view inside the warehouse and moves over to George, who now has his clothes damaged and is talking to Arthur on the phone)
George (panicked tone) "Oh, oh, they got the message, Mr. Jabba. That's good. Can we take her back now?"
(Arthur yells unintelligibly through the phone)
George: "Oh! Oh, the formula! Heh. Right, sir."
(The camera cuts to an overhead view of Elmyra, with Furrball standing on a box next to her)
Elmyra: "And now..."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view as Elmyra removes her ribbon, then to a further zoomed-in view)
Elmyra: "A very special guest on The Elmyra Fun Show,"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Elmyra's bow and zooms in on the skull in the middle)
"It's Mr. Skullhead!"
(The screen then transitions to a cartoon of Mr. Skullhead in the middle of Elmyra's bow. Aside from the bow, the cartoon is drawn crudely in pencil, with no color. Mr. Skullhead emerges from Elmyra's bow as Elmyra sings)
Elmyra (singing): "It's The Mr. Skullhead Show,"
(The camera cuts to a scene where Mr. Skullhead obliviously walks off a cliff)
Elmyra (singing): "Starring Mr. Skullhead,"
(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the cliff as Mr. Skullhead falls down it a la Wile E. Coyote. The camera zooms in on his bones, which now form the words, MR. SKULLHEAD and Mr. Skullhead's head is underneath them)
Elmyra (singing): "Cause it's his show, that he has, Mr. Skullhead!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Mr. Skullhead on the right side of the screen, with the text, He's Happy and an arrow pointing to him on the left side)
Elmyra (narrating): "Mr. Skullhead had a really good part in a movie!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Mr. Skullhead in a crowd of people, much like Waldo from the Where's Waldo? book series, then zooms out on it. It then cuts to a zoomed-in view as an arm from the right side of the screen grabs him and pulls him away)
Elmyra (narrating): "Mr. Skullhead was so good,"
(The camera cuts to the arm dropping Mr. Skullhead in a blank background. Mr. Skullhead loses his head and puts it back on his body, sideways at first, then on properly)
Elmyra (narrating): "They gave him a bigger part!"
(Mr. Skullhead stands up, then the camera zooms out to reveal the director sitting in a chair, with the words, MR. DIRECTOR HEAD written on it, talking through a megaphone)
Director: "Action!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Mr. Skullhead on the left side of the screen as a clapper board that says, STEAM ROLLER FROM HECK TAKE ONE appears on the right side and the director claps it. Mr. Skullhead has a question mark above his head, and as he turns around, the camera cuts to an opposing view and moves upwards to a steamroller, which gets closer and closer to it. The camera cuts to a close-up of Mr. Skullhead on the right side of the screen, with the words, HE'S SCARED and an arrow pointing to him on the left side. The silhoutte of the steamroller appears over Mr. Skullhead, then the camera cuts to a side view as the steamroller flattens Mr. Skullhead)
Elmyra (narrating): "Mr. Skullhead was a star!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as the director walks up to Mr. Skullhead and looks down at him)
Director: "Eh, get some skin, you."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of the flattened Mr. Skullhead as the Director walks over him. The screen then transitions to George and Leonard, both of whom have damaged clothes as Elmyra laughs. The camera then cuts to a close-up of them as they look at each other. The camera then cuts to a view outside the warehouse as the door opens and they run out, screaming. Elmyra follows them, carrying Furrball in her arms. The camera then cuts to an opposing view)
George and Leonard: "We surrender!"
(A policeman grabs George and handcuffs him, then another does the same to Leonard as Elmyra runs into view)
Elmyra: Oh. Hi, everybody. Are you here for the taping of my show?"
(The camera cuts to a side view as Elmyra is reunited with the rest of her family. Emily runs up to Elmyra, picks her up, and hugs her. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Elmyra as Emily puts her down)
Elmyra: "What are you so excited about? You haven't even seen the show!"
(The camera cuts to a view of George and Leonard)
George: "We give up! Anything to get away from Elmyra!" (cries)
Leonard: "Take us to jail! We'll never do anything bad again!"
Police Officer: "All right, you bums. Who put you up to this? Huh? Who's behind it?"
George: "Now, wait a second. You can't make us talk!"
Leonard: "Yeah, we're not squealers!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Elmyra runs up to George and Leonard)
Elmyra: "Hey, you guys, where are you going? We still got twelve more episodes to tape!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view as George and Leonard look at Elmyra in horror)
George: "His name is Arthur Jabba. His address is 11234 Bloated Way!"
Leonard: "His fax number is 555-3216!"
(George and Leonard run away. The camera zooms in on Elmyra as the police officers chase them)
Elmyra (sadly): "What about my show?"
(Static appears onscreen, which then cuts to a close-up of a television screen, with Teeny Tonny from Fairly Active News on it)
Teeny Tonny: "The kidnapped girl has been rescued and we have her. That's right, an exclusive interview with Elmyra Duff!"
(Elmyra Duff, who is holding Furrball in her arms, along with Emily, Mac, Amanda, Duncan, and Queegee appear on the television screen)
Elmyra: "Welcome to The Elmyra Fun Show! First, I'd like to introduce you to my sidekick!"
(As Elmyra holds up Furrball, a close-up of her is shown on the television screen)
Elmyra: "He's really a cat." (She drops Furrball) "And now, I just want to take a little bitty time-out from my show, to thank my friends..."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, revealing that the television screen is in a prison cell. The camera moves from the television to George and Leonard, who are laughing at Arthur Jabba, who is tied up in a chair, forced to watch Elmyra on television)
Elmyra: "Lenny and Georgie. Cause' without them, I don't think I could have done what I did!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Arthur)
Arthur: "Doh, stop! Stop! This is cruel punishment! Get my attorney!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as George and Leonard continue laughing, then to a close-up of the television screen, with Elmyra still on it, and zooms in on it)
Elmyra: "And now, on with the show!"
(The screen fades to black, and the credits roll)