Prom-ise Her Anything/Transcript

[Scene opens at Acme Looniversity, popping out of the clock as it begins turning fast appears Gogo Dodo.]

Gogo: Cuckoo, cuckoo! Junior prom time drives everyone CUCKOO! [in and out in seconds, he reappears on his perch donning a Hillbilly hat and playing a fiddle, a square dance style song plays and Dodo sings...] #Guys, beg your dads for some bucks, it's time to go and rent a tux.

Girls, go buy a gown brand new, it's prom time at Acme Loo'!#

[Gogo hops off his perch bouncing into place and as he sings, he gives the fiddle a twirl like his dance partner, he then reveals a large poster for the prom, it reads:

ACME LOONIVERSITY

JUNIOR PROM

THIS

"SATURDAY NIGHT.

As the poster is revealed on the wall, classmates Buster, Babs, Plucky and Shirley walk up to take a look.]

Gogo: #Bang the drums and shout the news, it's time to put on your dancin' shoes.

Don't be shy, just take a chance, ask your cutie to the dance.#

[The classmates look in wonder, Plucky and Shirley glance at each other, Buster looks a little bewildered while Babs is all smiles, she's excited for this. Plucky and Shirley perform a little clogging dance together, stop to bow and curtsy and then dance off again. Seems like one of those rare times Shirley's willing to go out with Plucky?]

Buster: [looking nervous, tugging at his collar] Dance? You mean people go to a prom to dance?

Babs: [Leaning up to Buster and asks sweetly and dreamily] Isn't there something you'd like to ask me, Buster? [Gogo is still playing the fiddle]

Buster: Err...uh sorry Babsy, I got a carrot cake in the oven. I'll call you later! [He leaves]

Babs: [to the camera] Is it my breath?

Gogo: [With a plunger to the tune of Skip to my Lou, he approaches Elmyra and Montana Max]

#Prom time fills us all with glee,

It's a fun, exciting jamboree!...# [Monty is at his locker reaching for a book, Elmyra is smitten with the idea, hearts dancing around her head.]

Elmyra: #I hope Monty will take me!#

Monty: #I'd rather get a lobotomy!# [The hearts all around Elmyra shatter, She's shocked at his response, suddenly out of a school hall's water dispenser, with a flood of water, Gogo dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts carrying a lobster and pineapple in each hand, riding a surfboard.]

Gogo: So come one, and come all,

Everybody's going to have a ball,

Watch this place become a zoo, [He hops back on his perch on the clock now donning the hat again still with the pineapple and lobster]

It's prom time at Acme Loo!

[he sticks his head outstretched] Yee-haw! [he tips a wink at the camera] [The school hall some time later, Hamton and Fifi are now present with Babs.] Babs: That poster's been up all week and Buster STILL hasn't asked me to the prom! Elmyra: [Walks over]. Silly bunny-wunny. When boys play hard to get, you have to use better bait. [Cunning idea of Elmyra, she holds up a quarter. She rushes over to a doorway and drops the coin down a flight of stairs, it bounces all the down and into a classroom where Monty and some other classmates including Furrball, Barky Marky, Calamity and Beaky Buzzard are all getting on with their work. When Monty hears the coin bouncing by, he lights up, dollar signs in his eyes form, he gets up out of the class room just in time to see the quarter bounce pass him. He rushes over and grabs the coin.] Monty: Gotcha! [from a pully, down drops a cage right on top of him, he's trapped]. Huh?

[School hall where Babs, Fifi and Hamton are still stood by the poster, Elmyra walks past dragging Monty with him. Her plan had worked.]

Monty: I'm not going to the stupid prom!

Hamton: [blushing, hands in his pockets] Sometimes a guy gets real shy when he out a girl that he likes. [gulps nervously to his crush] Know what I mean, Fifi?

Fifi: [she folds her arms and harrumphs] I think ze whole idea, proms and dates, it's a lot of sexist, out dated, how you say...phooey! [even Babs is surprised] Hamton: [Dejected, walks away] Gosh, that's too bad, Fifi. I was kinda hoping you'd be my date. Oh well. [his ears fold down in neglection, but suddenly, Fifi, in a spark of electricity, lightening up literally, dashes over to hug Hamton]. Fifi: Bless you, mon petite bacon of pig! I thought no one would ask me! [Her tail is caressing the pig, Babs looks on as Fifi smooches Hamton] Babs: Maybe Hamton's right. Maybe Buster is shy about inviting me to the prom. [frantic literally as the background spins around and she's close to dropping into the void] Maybe he's waiting for the last credit to call me. Maybe I should run to him right now and sit on the phone like a cruel maniac so I don't miss his call. [back to reality] Nah, I'm way too cool for that. [hysterical] BUT I can't take that chance!

[Babs by now is so hysterical, she's tugging on her ears hard, soon she dashes off past the hallway, a trashcan rolling and bouncing into place with papers flying out of it, out of the school passing Little Beeper causing him to spin around in circles and down to her burrow. Inside, all of her siblings are present, chattering and clamoring, as Babs dashes up to a comfy arm chair, her cordless phone begins to ring. She grabs it in seconds to answer.] Babs: [phone now to her ear] Hello?

Male voice on the phone: Hello Babs, this is the president of the United States...

Babs: [yelling] GET OFF THE LINE MAC, I'm waitin' for an important call! [she slams the phone down, one of her siblings is hanging on top of the chair drooling, two of her other siblings run past, one trying to beat the other with a club, Babs soon addresses he audience again. She looks at the clock on the wall, to her left is a hi-fi, with records piled all over.] It's only five after three, Buster probably took his time getting home from school. I can wait. [The waiting game begins, to pass the time, Babs engages in a few activities, the following being...

1. Tossing playing cards into a top hat.
2. Playing with a paddleball, not missing one hit.
3. Laying upside down as she cuts out a little paper chain neatly in the shape of a rabbit, a whole row of five.
4. Knitting with some blue wall long strands, a sweater maybe? A scarf? Who knows?

Babs: Two minutes? [she pulls on her ears like a stressed girl would with her hair, voice stressed even more] I'M GOING CRAZY! What's Buster doing anyway?

[A film vault at Acme Loo, the second viewing room is shown to be lit up from outside. Buster's sat in a seat, addressing the watchers of this cartoon, us Toonsters if you will!]

Buster: Hiya Toonsters! [voice a little soft] You ready for a deep, dark secret? The reason I haven't asked Babs yet to the prom yet is because...I don't know the first thing about dancing! [he reaches down and pulls out a film reel canister labelled "BUGS" GREATEST DANCES".] That's why I borrowed this reel of Bugs Bunny's greatest dance routines! There's gotta be something here I can learn in time for the prom!

[3...2...1...on the big screen is a clip of Bugs Bunny scatting Danny Kaye style and dancing a rather nonsensical dance: The All Out job from "Hot Cross Bunny". ]

Buster: [doing a similar sort of on point dance] A zeet-zat zeet-a-lat-a-zee-da-zing! A-ree-bop-zeet-a-lat-a-dat-o-bah! [hops up onto the stage near the screen]. That's perfect! [a door opens...]

Voice: Ehhh, [munching is heard] So how's the research going, kid? [there standing in the doorway, classic fashion and posture with a carrot in hand is Bugs Bunny himself, Buster's mentor and idol. Bugs flips a light switch on with his carrot walking over to his student.]

Buster: Great Bugs! These steps'll make me the head of the prom!

Bugs: Oh those old hoofer gags? I use them to fool the hunters! They ain't exactly ballroom moves! [Buster frowns, he doesn't care. He's stubborn].

Buster: Aaw once dance is the same as any other, right? [looks at his watch] D'oooh, I better snag Babs before she she makes a date with some other handsome young rabbit. [he rushes off out of the viewing room leaving Bugs watching on]. See ya!

Bugs: But Buster! [turns to face the camera, chomping on his carrot] Hmm, something tells me I better keep an eye on him.

[Babs' burrow, her siblings still everywhere]

Babs: Welcome back. Buster still hasn't called and I'm climbing he walls...[she's dressed in overalls and donning a feathered hat like a Swiss hiker, pickaxe in hand and ropes hooked onto he wall of her burrow, she's mad] literally! Who does Buster think he is to leave me hanging like this? Boy, am I gonna tell him a thing or two? [the phone rings, Babs lightens up at her sound of it and begins making her way down yodelling, one of Babs' siblings reaches over ready to pick it up, but Babs swipes it.] I got it, Mortimer, thanks. [shouting at the phone, still mad as ever]. Listen Buster, you've got a lotta nerve making me sweat like this, I got half a mind not to go with you at all... [sudden speech on the other end] huh? What? [calm] Oh hi Harriet. [mad] No, the little weasel still hasn't called! [doorbell is heard ringing]. Hang on.

[Babs zips off, her overalls and hat flying off, Babs makes it to her front door and opens it still with the phone in her hand, there standing outside in the doorway is Buster.]

Buster: Hi.

Babs: [annoyed and yelling] Oh! So you finally de-

Buster: I know what you're gonna say, and...and you're right, Babs, [Babs walks into the living room of her burrow, still cross her arms folded still holding her phone, Buster follows, hands behind his back]. I was cruel to make you wait still the last minute.

Babs: [accusingly as she points to Buster] DON'T you give me those lies, Buster Bunny! [Buster just stays cool and suddenly, offers her a lovely pink rose.] If you think you're going to charm your way...[Babs softens and she's no longer mad. Accepting the rose, she's feeling more smitten, a romantic saxophone begins playing.] ...out of it...[she sniffs the rose deeply].

Buster: I was thoughtless, I admit it. [Babs' ears fold back, hearts bursting all around her, her expression is dreamy, like she could swoon any moment. She looks down a little shy, but probably grateful too that Buster's own selfless act has changed her mind?]. But if you can find it in your heart to reconsider, Babs, I'd love to take you to the prom. [Babs reaches out a hand to Buster, still holding the phone. Buster gives her hand a kiss or two. How romantic!].

Babs: [sweetly] Err...okay.

Buster: [Softly but triumphant to the camera.] Yes! [To Babs who is now totally smitten.] Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow, eh, err sevenish? [all Babs can do is nod dreamily, she is totally over the moon by Buster's gesture].

Babs: [dreamily] Mmm-hmm!

Buster: Bye! [next to him is Li'l Sneezer, who was revealed to be playing the sax all along to set the mood]. Come on Sneezer!

Sneezer: Eeww! [he stops playing and follows Buster out, leaving a rather dazed but happy and lovestruck Babs alone. Babs drops to the floor, legs doing the splits.]

Babs: [holds the phone up to her folded ears gazing at her rose]. I'm sorry, the rabbit you dialled has been disconnected. [jumping for joy] YEE HAW! [she drops to the floor again, phone out of hee hands, still holding the rose.]

Harriet: [through the speaker's receiver] Hello? Hello? Are you there? Babs, I'm still on the phone here, this is Harriet!

[Fade out and fade into the ne spore mold! On the evolutionary chart, you rank someplace between head cheese and toaster ovens! You're a cruise to nowhere! A null, a void, a zero!Elmyra: Just what are trying to say?