Henny Youngman Day/Transcript

Henny Youngman Day/Transcript

Act One

(The episode begins with an outside view of Acme Looniversity as the camera zooms in on the front doors. The screen then fades to a view inside the classroom, where Babs is drying her ears with a "hare"-dryer, Buster is throwing a paper airplane, and Calamity is about to fire a slingshot. Sweetie is standing on Calamity's desk, Montana Max is lying on his desk, and Hamton is sitting on his desk, looking at a piece of paper. Gogo Dodo flies through the window, breaking it, then the camera cuts to Plucky, who is wearing a pair of headphones. The camera focuses on him as he walks to Babs' desk)

Plucky: "I hear Daffy's sick today."

(Plucky jumps and sits down at his desk)

Babs: "I wonder who our sub will be."

(The camera cuts to a view of the loudspeaker, who has a mouth full of teeth and two short arms)

Loudspeaker: "Welcome to Daffy Duck's Corny Quips Class. Today's subsitute teacher..."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, revealing Furrball sitting at his desk)

Loudspeaker: "Henny Youngman!"

(The classroom claps. Furrball turns his head to the camera and his tail forms the shape of a question mark. Henny Youngman knocks on the door and opens it. He is revealed to be an anthropomorphic rooster, with a violin in his left hand and the violin's bow in his right)

Henny: "Who's there? Who's there?"

(Henny walks over to face the class. The camera cuts to an overhead view of the classroom. The lights turn out, forming a spotlight on Henny)

Henny: "Thank you, thank you."

(Henny bows. The camera cuts to a view of Hamton, who claps his hands. Monty, annoyed, turns his head over to Hamton. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Henny)

Henny: "Daffy sent me over here cause' he was feeling a little under the feather."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Plucky, who gives an unimpressed look. A cricket can be heard chirping in the background. The camera zooms out to reveal Gogo Dodo behind him, playing a rimshot on the drums. The camera cuts to an even closer close-up of Henny)

Henny: "I should tell you a little about myself."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view)

Henny: "I'm from New York. I played Carnegie Hall."

(The camera cuts to a further zoomed-out view)

Henny: "You know how to get to Carnegie Hall?"

(The camera cuts to Hamton, who pulls down a screen with a map on it. Hamton points to the map with his pointer)

Hamton: "The expressway, a cab, or the subway!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Henny)

Henny: "Anyone else?"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view, with a rather bored Buster, Plucky, Babs, Monty, and Sweetie at their desks)

Buster, Plucky, Babs, Sweetie & Monty (bored): "Practice."

(The camera cuts to Gogo, who plays a rimshot on the drums, then cuts back to Henny)

Henny: "Yeah, I played Carnegie hall."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster as Henny moves his head towards him)

Henny: "Till' the cops chased me away."

(Buster bangs his head on the desk repeatedly. The camera cuts back to Henny)

Henny: "Takes a lot of skill to be a professional comedian. You gotta have good diction."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Henny)

Henny: "Now, you put fifteen marbles in your mouth, and you talk. Every day, you remove one marble."

(The camera cuts to a view of the class, and moves from the left side of the screen to the right. Everyone except for Hamton is bored, Buster has a black eye and stars spinning above his head from banging it against the desk repeatedly, and Dizzy has fallen asleep)

Henny: "When you've lost all your marbles, you're a pro."

(The screen fades to black)

Stand-up and Deliver

(The title card is shown, which depicts Babs onstage, getting hit by tomatoes. The screen then fades to a view ouside Acme Looniversity as the camera moves over to the cafeteria and zooms in on it. The camera then cuts to a view inside the cafeteria as Babs runs up to the line, grabs, a fork, and runs back. The camera cuts to Hamton, sitting at a table, about to eat meatloaf, as Babs stands next to the plate, using her fork as a microphone. Hamton looks over at Babs)

Babs: "Hello, I'm Robin Leach."

(Hamton and the other students, who are heard offscreen, laugh)

Babs: "Welcome to The Eating Habits of the Sick and Nauseous! Say Bonjour to the fabulous Hamton Pig, dining on the delectable..."

(Babs points her fork down to the meatloaf)

Hamton: "Uhh... lunch log!"

(The camera zooms out to reveal Plucky, Furrball and Gogo sitting at the table)

Plucky, Gogo, and Furrball: "Ewww!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs)

Babs: "Who's cookin' this stuff? Paul Bunion?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Furrball and Gogo as the bell rings. They look up at the bell, and the camera cuts to Babs. As Babs does her imitation of Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame (this episode predates the Disney film, by the way), the other students walk away)

Babs: "The bells! The bells!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Plucky, who are standing behind a sign that says, STOMACH PUMPS, with an arrow underneath it. Babs passes by them)

Babs: "Sanctuary!"

Plucky: "How do you turn her off?"

Buster: "I'm still lookin' for the switch!"

(Babs returns, playing a bass drum for her imitation of the Energizer Bunny)

Babs: "I keep going, and going, and going!"

(Babs jumps offscreen)

Plucky: "Shoot her. Just shoot her!"

(The screen transitions to the next scene, which takes place outside the cafeteria. Buster, Plucky, and Hamton are next to a tree as Babs walks out)

Buster: "Babs Bunny has left the building."

Babs (imitating Elvis Presley): "Thank you, thank you very much."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton)

Plucky: "May you live to be as old as your jokes."

Buster: "Too much sugar, Babsy?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs)

Babs: "No. I've been trying out my act. I've decided that Babs Bunny is ready for the road!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of Babs, Buster, Plucky, and Hamton)

Plucky: "Well, please tell me it's the center divider of Route 66."

(Babs pulls out a poster and hands it to Plucky)

Babs: "Read it and weep, feather face!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster, Babs, and Plucky as Plucky reads over the poster)

Plucky: "Open Mic Night at the Acme Improv,"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of Plucky as he reads over the poster)

Plucky: "Starring Babs Bunny?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Hamton)

Hamton: "Gee, Babs, you think you're ready for the big time? I've heard it can be brutal!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of Babs, Buster, Plucky, and Hamton)

Babs: "Just show up tonight at 8. Trust me."

(Babs walks away, then the camera cuts to a close-up of Plucky and Buster)

Plucky: "Isn't that what Custer said?"

(The screen transitions to an overhead view of the Acme Improv, then cuts to a view inside, where the silhouettes of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton can be seen)

Hamton: "Gee, I wonder when Babs goes on."

(The screen transitions to a close-up of a hat with pieces of paper inside. A grey arm pulls out a piece of paper with the number 2 on it, suggesting whoever the grey arm belongs to will go on second. A black arm with a white glove pulls out a piece of paper with the number 6 on it, suggesting whoever the black arm with the white glove on it will go on sixth. Babs' arm pulls out a piece of paper, and the camera moves over to her as she looks at the paper)

Babs: "Last? I'm the best! I should go on first!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, which zooms out even further as Babs is surrounded by a tall dog in a biker's outfit, a brown bear with a red shirt and a yellow hat, and a short blue dog with a light green shirt and brown pants, who all look down at her and growl in unison. The camera cuts to a view of the stage as a squirrel resembling Emo Philips appears onstage, then it cuts to a close-up of his arms as he adjusts the microphone. The camera then cuts to a view of him on stage)

Emo Philips Squirrel: "I am a squirrel. People say I'm nuts." (Laughs)

(The camera cuts to an opposing view, revealing the audience is silent, save for the Emo Philips Squirrel's mother, who laughs hysterically)

Emo Philips Squirrel: "Thanks, Mom." (Laughs)

The screen transitions to a view of a giant Cockroach in a biker's jacket and an Elvis-style hairdo. He faces away from the audience, then turns around. The camera cuts to a close-up of him)

The Roach: "I'm the roach man, and you're a bunch of..." (Bleeped explicits)

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Plucky, who have a shocked looks on their faces, then cuts back to The Roach)

The Roach: "Bada-bing, bada-boom!"

(The audience laughs, then the screen transitions to a view of walrus wearing a red shirt)

Walrus: "I'm so fat, I'm... fat!" (Laughs)

(The camera cuts to Plucky, who is standing on the table with his left foot caught in a ball-and-chain. He is about to drop the ball into a wooden bucket of water. The camera moves over to Hamton, whose head is in a guillotine. He is about to pull the lever that will send the blade down to slice his head off. The camera then moves over to Buster, who is tied to a rocket and holding a lit match in his right hand)

Buster: "Make it stop."

(The camera cuts to a view of Babs looking over the stage as the Walrus walks away)

Announcer: "And now, toons and toonettes,"

(The camera moves over to Babs, who is excited to be on stage)

Announcer: "A very special guest."

(Babs makes poses, expecting to be onstage next)

Babs: "Ha ha! Here we go!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the stage and zooms out)

Announcer: "The master of mayhem, the guru of guffaws, international superstar..."

(Babs slides onto the stage, expecting to be next. She even strikes a welcoming pose)

Announcer: "Red Rad Robin Killem's!"

(A giant arm reaches from the stage and pulls Babs away. The audience cheers and applauds, then the camera cuts to a view of Robin as he walks onstage. The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs behind the stage)

Babs: "Re-re-re-re-Robin Killem's?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Robin, who picks up the microphone)

Robin: "Good evening, Acme Acres!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, Hamton, and Monty, who all laugh hysterically, then to Babs, who looks over them and laughs nervously)

Babs: "I have to go on after him?"

(Babs laughs nervously)

Babs: "I'm doomed."

(The camera cuts back to Robin, who uses the microphone stand like a metal detector, right down to imitating the beeping)

Robin: "Uh-oh."

(The camera cuts to Monty sitting at a table next to Elmyra. Robin points the microphone stand at Monty, then picks him up. The camera then cuts to a view of Robin holding Monty onstage. Monty is about to punch Robin, but Robin grabs his arm and pulls it like a slot machine lever. The camera cuts to a close-up of Monty as his eyes spin upwards like slot machine reels, and land on two dollar signs. Monty then opens his mouth and silver coins fly out of it)

Robin: "Oooh! Jackpot!"

(The camera cuts to Babs, who has a frightened look on her face, and zooms in on her. It then cuts to Buster, Plucky, and Hamton sitting at a table on the left side of the screen, laughing hysterically. Robin walks up to them as they walk out of their seats)

Robin: "Oooh! They're making a fashion statement; shirts with no pants!"

(The audience laughs hysterically as Plucky pulls his tank top down over his waist and Buster covers his waist with a napkin. The camera then cuts to Babs, who faints, then cuts to Robin, back onstage)

Robin: "Elmer Fudd doing Shakespeare."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Robin, who is now wearing Elmer's hat)

Robin (imitating Elmer): "Hewwo. I'm Hamwet, the pwince of Denmark." (Laughs)

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, Hamton, and Monty, who all laugh hysterically, then to an opposing view as Elmyra claps and Robin walks up to her. It then cuts to an opposing close-up of Elmyra as she lowers her head and Robin picks the skull off her bow. The camera then cuts to an overhead view of Robin as he holds the skull above him)

Robin: "Awais, poow Yowik. I knew him well. we used to go bowwing on thuwsdays."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Robin as the audience laughs hysterically)

Robin: "He was a wittwe thing."

(The camera cuts back to Babs, and zooms in on her. She is now laying on the floor, feeling very nervous)

Babs: "Help me! Help me!"

(The camera cuts to a side view of Robin on stage as a rimshot plays and the audience cheers and applauds)

Robin: "Thank you, thank you, good night!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton as Robin walks offstage. They all cheer and applaud for him, then the camera cuts to a view of Buster and Plucky at their table)

Plucky: "Babs must be next."

Buster (as he turns around and points to Babs): "Well, there she is!"

(The camera cuts to a side view of the stage as Babs is wheeled over in a hand truck. It then cuts to a normal view of the stage and zooms out as Babs stands stiff. It then cuts to a side view as Babs speaks nervously into the microphone)

Babs: "Hello."

(Microphone feedback is heard)

Babs: "I'm... I'm... I'm..."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the stage as the silhouette of an audience member can be seen)

Audience Member: "You're terrible!"

(The audience boos and jeers. The camera cuts to a rear view of Robin as he looks over the stage. He then turns to face the camera)

Robin: "Oh, no! I thought I was the last act! Poor kid!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Babs on stage as the audience boos and tosses tomatoes at her. Robin suddenly jumps onstage, and the camera zooms in on him as the crowd cheers for his return. Robin picks up the microphone and shakes Babs' hand)

Robin: "Whoa, it's my good pal, Babs Bunny!

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky, Buster, and Hamton at the table)

Plucky: "Babs knows him?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Babs and Robin)

Robin: "I think your reception problem is with your antenna."

(Robin adjusts Babs' ears like a TV antenna's. The camera then cuts to a view of the audience laughing hysterically, then to a close-up of Babs, who stutters into the microphone. The camera zooms out as Robin steps in next to her)

Robin: "Whoa. Ladies and gentlemen, Porky Pig!"

(The audience continues laughing. Babs and Robin look at each other, and the screen fades to Robin dressed in a top hat and a tuxedo. Robin removes his hat and sets it down on a table, then he pulls out Babs. The audience continues laughing, then Babs stuffs Robin into the hat and poses. Robin pulls his head out of the hat, then the camera cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, Hamton, and Monty, who all laugh hysterically. It then cuts back to Babs and Robin. They shake hands, and Robin gets shocked. The camera cuts to a view of two audience members laughing hysterically, then back to Babs and Robin, who make poses as they cheer. Babs jumps offstage, and the camera cuts to a view of her backstage)

Babs: "Wow!"

(Robin walks in, and the camera zooms in on him)

Robin: "Hey, I know what it's like when you're starting out. Heck, I used to play at the opening of an envelope. Good luck, kid."

(Robin walks away. Babs turns around, then the camera cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton, who congratulate her)

Buster: "That was great!"

Plucky: "You were right."

Hamton: "You are ready for the big time!"

(Babs walks up to Buster)

Babs (as she walks to the exit): "Yeah, well, Robin said to me, 'Kid',"

(Plucky opens the door for Babs. She, Buster, and Hamton walk out)

Babs: "'You're the only one in the world funny enough to follow me!'"

(Babs walks back in)

Babs: "Wait. I forgot something."

(The camera focuses on Babs as she runs up to Robin, who is pulling props out of a trunk marked, PROPS. The camera cuts to a close-up of her as she hugs Robin)

Babs: "Thank you."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Robin pats Babs on the head. The cartoon irises out on Babs, ending Act One)

Act Two

(The second act begins with a zoomed-out view of Henny Youngman in the class)

Henny: "Take my wife, please!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster's desk. Buster is sitting at it, with a bored look on his face and cobwebs between his ears. On the left side of the screen is a bearded Furrball, and on the right side is a skeleton. The spider forming the web crawls from the skeleton to Buster's ear. The camera then cuts to a view of Babs and Plucky at their desks)

Babs: "You know, I don't get it. Our sub's name is Henny Youngman, a hen's a female chicken, but he's a guy!"

Plucky: "Maybe it's a hormone imbalance."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Henny)

Henny: "People are always asking me, 'How do you keep your act fresh?'"

(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton at his desk)

Hamton: "Practice!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Gogo, who plays a rimshot on the drums, then to a view of Henny)

Henny: "This kid's got more talent in his little finger than he has in his big finger."

(Henny laughs. As he laughs, the camera cuts to a view of Calamity sitting in a catapult, cutting the rope. When the rope is cut, the catapult launches Calamity. The camera cuts to a view of the window as Calamity flies, crashing through it, then it cuts back to Henny)

Henny: "But seriously, you've gotta keep it fresh!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Henny)

Henny: "It's tough to do it like me, you're from Flushing, New York."

(The camera cuts to an opposing view, where Babs is sitting at her desk with a bored expression on her face)

Henny: "The Tidy Bowl Man was just elected Mayor."

(The camera cuts to an opposing view of Henny)

Henny: "What do you think of Flushing, New York?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky at his desk)

Plucky: "I think it's a good idea!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Henny)

Henny: "I'm a journalist in flushing. I write for The Toilet Paper. Well, speaking of toilets, here's our next cartoon, fresh out of the can!"

(The camera moves over to a viewing screen, then the screen fades to black)

The Potty Years

(The title card is shown, which shows Baby Plucky sucking his thumb with his left arm and clutching his teddy bear, Nana, in his right, while running from a toilet monster. After the title card is shown, Plucky's silhouette is shown on a hill on a dark night)

Plucky: "I remember..."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Plucky's beak)

Plucky: "My potty years."

(The screen fades to a view of the outside of Plucky's house, and the camera zooms in on the bathroom window. The screen then fades to a view inside the bathroom, where Baby Plucky is standing, sucking his thumb with his right arm and clutching Nana in his left. His parents circle around him)

Mr. Duck: "Plucky, you're almost three years old now,"

(the camera cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky)

Mrs. Duck: "And your father and I think it's about time you learned how to use..."

(The camera cuts to a view of Baby Plucky looking at his parents, then moves to the toilet)

Mrs. Duck: "The potty."

(The camera cuts to a view of the bathroom as Baby Plucky runs to the toilet, then to a close-up of him as he looks inside)

Baby Plucky: "No potty!"

(Baby Plucky runs away. The camera focuses on him as he tries to leave the bathroom, but bumps into his father, who is blocking the doorway. It continues focusing on him as his father pushes him back to the toilet)

Mr. Duck: "Whoa, partner! You don't want to wear diapers forever, do you?"

Baby Plucky: "Yes sir."

(The camera cuts to a view of the toilet as Mr. Duck explains how to use the toilet to Baby Plucky. Baby Plucky sucks his thumb the entire time)

Mr. Duck: "Oh, come on, there's nothing to be afraid of! Let me show you how it works. It's simple; you take your diaper off, you sit down right here, and then you..."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky as his father whispers something in his ear. Baby Plucky has a horrified expression on his face and takes his thumb out of his mouth)

Baby Plucky: "Ewww."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, with a roll of toilet paper on the right side of the screen. Mr. Duck pulls a piece of toilet paper off the roll and tosses it into the toilet)

Mr. Duck: "And when you're all done, you use a little toilet paper, pull the handle, and flush."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Mr. Duck's hand as he flushes the toilet. It then cuts to Baby Plucky, who is scared of the toilet's loud flush. The camera moves over to Mrs. Duck as he hides behind her, then pokes his head out)

Baby Plucky: "It's too loud!"

Mrs. Duck: "It's okay, hon."

Baby Plucky: "It's too loud!"

Mrs. Duck: "Don't worry."

Baby Plucky: "It's too loud! Bye-bye!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the doorway as Baby Plucky tries to run out of it, but Mr. Duck grabs him and picks him up)

Mr. Duck: "Slow down, Plucky."

(The camera cuts to a view of the toilet as Mr. Duck sets Baby Plucky down)

Mr. Duck: "Now it's your turn. Give it a flush."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky, who turns around)

Baby Plucky: "No flush!"

Mrs. Duck (heard offscreen): "Go ahead, hon. Just pull the handle."

(Baby Plucky nervously flushes the toilet. The camera cuts to an overhead view of the toilet, then to an underhead view as Baby Plucky is fascinated by the water going down the hole as the toilet is flushed)

Baby Plucky: "Water go down the hole!"

Mrs. Duck (heard offscreen): "That's right!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Baby Plucky and the toilet)

Baby Plucky: "Water go down the hole!"

Mrs. Duck (heard offscreen): "Yes, dear."

Baby Plucky (while dancing): "Water go down the hole!" (giggles)

(Mrs. Duck walks into view)

Mrs. Duck: "Yes, but look,"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the toilet as the water rises)

Mrs. Duck: "The water came back!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Baby Plucky in between his mother and the toilet)

Baby Plucky: "Water came back!"

Mrs. Duck: "That's right, hon."

Baby Plucky: "Water came back!"

Mrs. Duck: "Precisely."

Baby Plucky: "Water came back!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky, then to a view of him in between his parents and the toilet as he spins around, giggling)

Mr. Duck: "So, do you like the potty now?"

Baby Plucky: "Yes, sir."

Mr. Duck: "Would you like to go potty all by yourself?"

Baby Plucky: "Wanna go potty!"

Mr. Duck: "Okay, then. We'll leave you to it."

(The camera cuts to a view of the doorway as Mr. and Mrs. Duck leave. Baby Plucky follows them, stops at the doorway, and looks at them)

Mr. Duck: "Just call if you need any help."

Mrs. Duck (heard offscreen): "He's gifted, Ralph, don't you think?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky, who looks at it with a look of determination on his face. It then cuts to a view of the bathroom as he runs back to the toilet, then to the toilet as he reaches it)

Baby Plucky: "Wanna flush the potty!"

(Baby Plucky flushes the toilet)

Mrs. Duck (heard offscreen): "Remember to use the toilet paper, honey!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of the toilet paper roll, then to a view of the toilet as Baby Plucky pulls off a single piece, places it in the toilet, and flushes it)

Baby Plucky: "Toilet pinter go down the hole!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky)

Baby Plucky (giggling): "Toilet pinter go down the hole!"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the toilet, then to a normal view as Baby Plucky looks for the piece of toilet paper he flushed down, first looking inside the toilet, then behind it)

Baby Plucky: "Toilet pinter? Where toilet pinter go?"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky's bottom as he looks behind the other side of the toilet, then it cuts to a view of the toilet as he sucks his thumb. He stops sucking it when he hears his father)

Mr. Duck (heard offscreen): "And don't forget to get rid of that dirty diaper!"

(Baby Plucky resumes sucking his thumb, then stops. He pulls down his diaper, places it in the toilet, and flushes it. The camera cuts to an overhead view of the toilet as it is flushed)

Baby Plucky: "Diaper go down the hole! Diaper go down the hole!"

(The camera cuts back to to the previous view. Baby Plucky giggles, then turns around)

Baby Plucky: "Bye-bye, diaper!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of the toilet paper roll as Baby Plucky grabs it, then to a view of the toilet as he places the end of the roll into the toilet and flushes it. The camera cuts back to the toilet paper roll as it rolls until there is no toilet paper left on it, then back to the toilet as Baby Plucky looks inside it)

Baby Plucky: "Toilet pinter go down the hole!" (Giggles, then runs off) "Bye-bye, toilet pinter!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Nana as Baby Plucky picks him up, then to the toilet as Baby Plucky places him inside it and flushes it)

Baby Plucky: "Nana go down the hole! Bye-bye, Nana!"

(Baby Plucky runs to the bathtub. The camera cuts to a view of the bathtub as Baby Plucky reaches in and pulls out a rubber duck, then it cuts back to the toilet as he places the rubber duck inside and flushes it)

Baby Plucky: "Duckie go down the hole!"

(Baby Plucky runs off, then comes back with a toy tugboat, which he then places in the toilet and flushes it)

Baby Plucky: "Toot-toot go down the hole!"

(Baby Plucky runs off, then comes back with Furrball)

Baby Plucky: "Kitty go down the hole!"

(Furrball screams and tries to run away, but Baby Plucky places him in the toilet)

Baby Plucky: "Bye-bye, kitty!"

(Baby Plucky flushes the toilet, but Furrball runs out before he can be flushed. Baby Plucky falls into the toilet. The camera cuts to a close-up of the toilet as he pops out, sucking his thumb. He looks at his thumb and takes it out of his mouth)

Baby Plucky: "Ewww."

(The camera cuts to the previous view as Baby Plucky climbs out of the toilet, then to a close-up of him as he shakes the water off and sucks his thumb. He turns around, and the camera cuts to a view of the doorway as Byron Basset enters it)

Baby Plucky: "Doggie!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the toilet as Byron walks up to it and drinks from it. It then cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky, who continues sucking his thumb, then to the previous view as Byron turns around, then back to the close-up of Baby Plucky as Byron licks his face and leaves)

Baby Plucky: "Ewww."

Mr. Duck (heard offscreen): "Are you all finished, son?"

(Baby Plucky looks around, then the camera cuts to a view of the doorway outside the bathroom as Baby Plucky peers out)

Baby Plucky: "I wanna flush the potty!"

Mr. Duck (heard offscreen): "All right, but hurry it up!"

(The camera cuts back to the bathroom as Baby Plucky runs back to the toilet, then to a side view)

Baby Plucky: "Water go down the hole!"

(Baby Plucky flushes the toilet. The camera cuts to an overhead view of the toilet, as this time the water is going up instead of down)

Baby Plucky: "Water go down... the hole?"

(The camera cuts back to the previous view as the water continues to rise and leak onto the floors. Baby Plucky tries to flush the water down, but to no avail)

Mrs. Duck (heard offscreen): "Plucky, is everything all right up there?"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the doorway outside the bathroom. The water leaks onto the carpet as Baby Plucky peers out)

Baby Plucky: "I wanna flush it again!"

Mr. Duck (heard offscreen): "No, you've flushed enough, son.

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky)

Baby Plucky: "Wanna flush it again!"

(The camera moves over to the top of the stairs)

Mrs. Duck (heard offscreen): "He's been up there quite a while."

Mr. Duck (heard offscreen): "We'd better check on him."

(The camera moves back to Baby Plucky, who has a shocked look on his face and shuts the door. It then cuts to an overhead view of the now-flooded bathroom as Baby Plucky runs to the bathtub and pulls out a bucket and a shovel. The camera then cuts to a view of the toilet as Baby Plucky scoops up the water with the shovel and puts it in the bucket, then dumps the bucket to put the water back in the toilet. The camera then cuts to Mr. and Mrs. Duck, who climb up the stairs, then to a close-up of Baby Plucky, who has his thumb in his mouth. He realizes his parents are getting closer, and this time, he uses his hands to scoop up the water and put it in the bucket. The camera cuts to Mr. and Mrs. Duck as they walk down the hall, then back to Baby Plucky, who scoops up the water with his beak and spits it into the bucket. It then cuts back to Mr. and Mrs. Duck, who are now outside the bathroom door)

Mr. Duck: "Plucky, what's going on in there?"

(The camera cuts to Baby Plucky, who runs up to the door and locks it. It then cuts to the other side of the door, where Mr. Duck is trying to open it)

Mr. Duck: "The door's locked! Plucky!"

(The camera cuts back to Baby Plucky)

Baby Plucky: "Wanna flush the potty!"

(Baby Plucky runs to the toilet)

Mr. Duck (struggling to open the door): "Open this door right now!"

(The camera cuts to Baby Plucky by the toilet, holding his bucket in his right hand)

Baby Plucky: "I wanna flush it again!"

Mrs. Duck (heard offscreen as Baby Plucky scoops the water back into the toilet with his bucket): "Let me talk to him. Do what your father says, Plucky. Open the door!"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the toilet, revealing Baby Plucky's toy tugboat inside it. It then cuts to a close-up of Baby Plucky, who sucks his thumb)

Mr. Duck: "Plucky, open this door!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the toilet as Baby Plucky climbs inside, then to a close-up of it as Baby Plucky pulls out hit toy tugboat)

Baby Plucky: "Toot-toot came back!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the door)

Mrs. Duck (heard offscreen): "Plucky!"

(The camera cuts back to the toilet as Baby Plucky drops his toy tugboat and pulls out his rubber duck)

Baby Plucky: "Duckie came back!"

(Baby Plucky hugs the rubber duck, drops it, and pulls out Nana)

Baby Plucky: "Nana came back!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of the door)

Mrs Duck (heard offscreen): "Plucky, open this door!"

(The camera cuts back to the toilet as Baby Plucky tosses Nana, who splats into the wall and falls. Baby Plucky dives down into the toilet, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Baby Plucky pulls out his diaper, which is soaked and swelled-up from all the water)

Baby Plucky: "My diaper came back!"

(Baby Plucky drops his diaper, then spins into the now-unclogged toilet)

Baby Plucky: "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of the doorknob as it gets unlocked. Mr. and Mrs. Duck enter the bathroom)

Mrs. Duck: "Oh, no!"

(The camera moves to a view of their feet as Baby Plucky's toy tugboat floats by them)

Mrs. Duck: "And I just redecorated!"

Mr. Duck: "Plucky! Where are you?"

(The camera cuts to the toilet and zooms in on it. Baby Plucky pokes his head out of the toilet)

Baby Plucky: "Ewww."

(Baby Plucky sucks his thumb as the screen flashes forward to Plucky in his normal age, who laughs, then sighs.)

Plucky: "Yeah, those were the days."

(The camera zooms out as Plucky moves to the doorway of his front door, revealing he is wearing a diaper)

Plucky: "And fortunately, it all worked out in the end."

(Plucky enters his house and closes the door. The camera then cuts to a view of Plucky's house as Plucky is now in the bathroom, flushing the toilet. Mr. Duck turns the bathroom light on)

Mr. Duck (heard offscreen): "PLUCKY?!"

Plucky (heard offscreen): "I wanna flush it again! I wanna flush it again! I WANNA FLUSH IT AGAIN!"

(The cartoon irises out on the moon, ending Act Two)

Act Three

(The third act begins with a view of Henny Youngman at the classroom)

Henny: "You're a great class. You should have been at my first class. Somebody should have been there."

(The camera cuts to Gogo, who decides he's not even going to bother doing a rimshot. He packs up his drums and leaves. The camera cuts to a close-up of Henny)

Henny Youngman: "There goes the band. That's the band of the spider great line. Stop the music. You know what they say to the musicians?"

(The camera cuts to Hamton, who is at this point, is the only student still sitting at his desk)

Hamton: "Practice!"

(The camera cuts back to Henny)

Henny Youngman: "This kid throws himself into everything. Go find a deep well." (laughs) "But seriously, I want to thank you all for being here today and taking my class. Take my class, please! No, no, on second thought, take this cartoon!"

(The screen fades to black)

Lame Joke

(The title card is shown, which shows Buster in a hospital bed, with his arm in a sling and his leg in a cast. After the title card is shown, the screen fades to black, then to the next scene, where Babs is in the forest, with her back turned to the camera, telling a joke to Buster, Plucky, and Hamton)

Babs: "So why did the chicken cross the school yard?"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view of Babs)

Babs: "To get to the other slide!"

(The camera cuts to Buster, Plucky, and Hamton, who all laugh hysterically. It then cuts back to Babs as Hamton crawls to her)

Hamton: "Babs, you tell the best jokes!"

(The camera cuts to Buster and Plucky, then back to Babs and Hamton as he continues laughing. Buster walks up to them)

Buster: "Hey, I can tell a good joke, too! Okay, a pig, a rabbit, and a duck..."

Babs: "Buster, not that lame joke again!"

Buster: "It is not a lame joke!"

Babs: "Oh yeah? Look!

(As Babs points to the right side of the screen, the camera cuts to a view of Plucky. Behind a tree, a sick clown on crutches, with a broken left leg and a peg leg for a right one, obviously representing Buster's Joke, appears and coughs. His red nose falls off his face and squeaks)

Plucky: "Oh, my gosh! It is a lame joke!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster, with an irritated look on his face. His ears roll down, then the camera cuts to a view of him, Babs, and Hamton)

Buster: "All right, can I tell the joke already?"

(Hamton nods his head, "yes". The camera then cuts to a close-up of Buster)

Buster: "There's a pig, a rabbit, and a duck, right?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Babs, Plucky, Hamton, and the Lame Joke. Behind them, a clown is running on a trail. Babs, Plucky, and the Lame Joke turn around to see the clown while Hamton talks to Buster)

Hamton: "Is this one of those species jokes?"

(The camera cuts back to Buster)

Buster: "Ahem. A pig, a rabbit, and a duck, go out in the woods on a picnic."

(The camera cuts back to Babs, Plucky, Hamton, and the Lame Joke. The Lame Joke coughs)

Hamton: "And?"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view as they all look at Buster)

Buster: "And, which hand did they eat their soup with? Huh?

(The camera cuts to Babs, Plucky, Hamton, and the Lame Joke. The Lame Joke cups his hand to his ear, and the camera cuts back to Buster)

Buster: "Neither; they used a spoon! Get it?"

(The camera cuts back to Babs, Plucky, Hamton, and the Lame Joke, none of which even give a chuckle. It then cuts to a close-up of the Lame Joke as he moans in pain, then to a view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton)

Buster: "Soup, spoon!" (Laughs) "It's funny!"

Hamton: "Uh, I don't get it."

(The Lame Joke continues moaning in pain. Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton turn their attention to him)

Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton: "Huh?"

(The camera cuts to a view of the Lame Joke, who faints. Plucky runs up to him to feel his pulse)

Plucky: "Say, this joke is... dead!"

(The camera cuts to Buster)

Buster: "No! He can't be! Call 911! Call 911!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the forest as Hamton, Plucky, and Babs appear onscreen and sing, 911 to the tune of the Hello routine from The Three Stooges)

Hamton (singing): "911!"

Plucky (singing): "911!"

Babs (singing): "911!"

Babs, Plucky, & Hamton: "911."

(The camera cuts to a view of the forest trail as a tiny ambulance drives into view. It focuses on it as it stops near a rock, and Gogo Dodo walks out. The camera focuses on him as he walks past Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton, then cuts to a view of him near the Lame Joke. He pulls a stretcher out of his medical bag, then pulls out a spatula and flips him onto it. The camera then cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton as Gogo and his clone carry the stretcher with the Lame Joke on it across the screen. It then cuts to a view of the ambulance as Gogo stuffs the stretcher with the Lame Joke inside and then jumps inside himself. The camera then cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton as the ambulance drives away, knocking them over. The screen then transitions to a view outside the Acme Hospital, then to an overhead view of the Lame Joke in a hospital bed, with Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton looking over him. The camera then cuts to a close-up of the curtains as Henny Youngman appears, dressed as a doctor. It then cuts to a view of the Lame as Henny uses a stethoscope to hear his heartbeat (or lack thereof). Buster walks up to Henny)

Buster: "Doctor, what's he got?"

Henny: "I don't know, I haven't gotten to his wallet yet. Here's another one you may not like. Hmmm hmmm hmmm. Looks bad. Are you an audience or an oil painting?"

(The camera cuts to a view of the Lame Joke's heart monitor, which beeps at a normal heart rate. It then cuts back to Buster, Henny, and the Lame Joke)

Henny: "Are you alive or on tape?"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view, and zooms in on the heart monitor, which still beeps at a normal heart rate. It then cuts back to Henny, who taps the stethoscope)

Henny: "Two, three, four, is this thing on?"

(The camera cuts to the heart monitor, which now beeps at a steady tone. It then cuts back to Buster, Henny, and the Lame Joke)

Henny: "I've got good news and bad news; the good news is, your joke died, the bad news is, who cares?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Henny, Babs, and Hamton, as a chimpanzee resembling George Burns walks in)

George Burns Chimpanzee: "Your delivery stinks. Anyway, you told it wrong."

(The George Burns Chimpanzee walks away. The camera then cuts to a close-up of Hamton)

Hamton: "I still don't get it!"

(The camera cuts to a view of a rather sad-looking Buster, as well as Babs, Hamton, and Plucky)

Buster: "I feel awful."

Babs: "Think of it this way, toots. You didn't kill that joke; you put it out of its misery!"

(Plucky and Hamton laugh as a sad Buster floats upward into a red, yellow, and white whirlpool)

Buster: "My joke died. I'm a murderer! Murderer! Murderer!"

(Babs' head floats up to Buster)

Babs: "You killed him..."

(Hamton's head floats up to Buster)

Hamton: "Humor homicide..."

(Plucky's head floats up to Buster)

Plucky: "You're the Freddy Kreuger of Comedy!"

(Henny's head floats up to Buster)

Henny: "Somebody call the Maytag man! This whirlpool is killing me!"

Buster: "No!"

(The Running Clown from earlier in the cartoon runs through the whirlpool. Buster turns around and sees the Running Clown. He then appears at a cemetery, reading a book as he looks over the hole the Lame Joke will be buried in. The camera cuts to an overhead view of the cemetery as Buster begins his speech. The sign above the gate says, Joke Cemetary.)

Buster: "So often we take our jokes for granted,"

(The screen transitions to a zoomed-in view)

Buster: "When they're gone, we wish we had told them better."

(As Buster continues his speech, the camera moves over to some tombstones, which say, KNOCK KNOCK WHO'S THERE, NO ONE I'M DEAD, and PUNS!, respectively)

Buster: "Comedy is a fragile and delicate thing, and like the first rose of spring, this joke died too soon."

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of the hole)

Buster: "Too soon."

Plucky (snickers): "Yeah, but not soon enough for me." (Laughs)

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster)

Buster: "Do you mind?"

(The camera cuts back to the previous view, then back to the close-up of Buster)

Buster: "I guess what I'm getting to is this; he was my only joke and I will miss him."

(The Running Clown runs behind Buster, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as he runs in front of him and Babs)

Buster: "Good-bye, my friend, good-bye."

(Buster walks away, and Babs walks up to the tombstone)

Babs: (cheerfully) "Bye!"

(Babs walks away, and Plucky walks up to the tombstone)

Plucky: "See you."

(Plucky walks away. Hamton tearfully walks up to the tombstone, sniffles, and walks away. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of Babs, Buster, Plucky, and Hamton)

Plucky: "Nice speech, pal."

Buster: "Thanks."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Buster and Babs)

Babs: "Allow yourself to take some time to mourn the loss. Maybe someday, you'll tell another joke. You'll see."

(Babs kisses Buster on the cheek. The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster)

Buster: "But I liked my joke about the pig, the rabbit, and duck. I mean, I mean, which hand did they eat their soup with?"

(Buster begins laughing hysterically as the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of him, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton. When he stops laughing, Babs starts laughing hysterically)

Plucky: "I don't get it!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Hamton)

Hamton: "I get it! They didn't use either hand; they used a soup spoon!"

(Hamton laughs hysterically. The camera cuts to the previous view as he and Babs laugh, then it cuts to a close-up of Plucky)

Plucky: "Oh, yeah!"

(Plucky laughs, then the camera cuts to a view of him and Buster laughing together. It then cuts to a view of the hole as the Lame Joke has been revived by their laughter. The camera focuses on him as he jumps out of the hole and onto the tombstone. The Running Clown runs behind him, and he turns around to look at him. The camera cuts to a view of the gate as the Clown runs out of it)

Buster: "Who is that?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster's backside as he looks at Babs)

Babs: "A running gag."

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton, all four of which laugh hysterically as the cartoon irises out on Buster)

Epilogue

(The epilogue begins with a close-up of Henny)

Henny: "Thanks for having me!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view)

Henny: "I'm glad to be here. I'm glad to be anywhere. No, seriously. This class has a lot of get-up-and-go!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, which zooms out even further, revealing Hamton is still the only student still sitting at his desk)

Henny: "I just wish I knew where it went."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Henny)

Henny: "Hey, kid, how do you get to the parking lot from here?"

(The camera cuts to Hamton)

Hamton: "Practice!"

(The camera cuts back to Henny as he opens the door and walks out)

Henny: "He's not a complete loss. He can always be a horrible example."

(Henny closes the door, then the camera cuts to a view of the window above the door as Henny's silhouette is seen, getting further from the door as he walks down the hall)

Henny: "This kid has Van Gogh's ear for comedy. He needs only one thing to make a fool out of himself; a chance! Ha ha ha ha! Ah, somebody stop me, I'm hitting below the borscht belt!"

(The screen irises out on Henny's silhouette, and the credits roll)